We can all agree that when you outline your final wishes for your life, you are in the soberest of thoughts and are speaking solely from your heart. It could be something as simple as the song you would like to be played while your body is being taken to its final resting place.
It could be something as complex as who you don’t want to attend your funeral.
PROS AND CONS OF FULFILLING LAST WISHES
The pros and cons of fulfilling the wishes should be understood and if the individual is being taken care of by medical professionals, be explained to the family in advance. An attempt should be made to reach a consensus on each of them. Some amount of advance planning is therefore essential for fulfilling last wishes.
Patients may wish to die at home. However, in some cases, relatives do not want deaths at home, mainly because they are not confident of handling the patient in the last minutes.
This last wish of patients therefore clashes with the wishes of their relatives; healthcare professionals must decide what is to be done in this situation.
Allowing patients to die in a place of their choice is important, but it needs cooperation of the family. Family agreement can take longer time and can postpone fulfilment of such wishes.
Requests for alcohol or tobacco raise a larger ethical debate. By and large healthcare professionals and caregivers are averse to satisfy such last wishes, since these are harmful substances.
However, the team need to carefully assess the harm they can cause to a dying patient. This is not to say that every such wish should be catered for, but that every centre should have a laid down policy for handling such requests. Every centre managing end of life situations must be geared to handle last wishes.
ADDING DIGNITY AND CREATING POSITIVE MEMORIES
Some last wishes are going to remain unfulfilled; the healthcare team needs to convince patients and caregivers of the impracticality of such wishes.
Yet there are many wishes, which can be fulfilled and should be; after all this is the last service the care team can do for the patient.
Fulfilling the last wishes becomes all the more important when death takes place in a place not of the patient’s choice.
Dying in an unknown or unfamiliar environment can be dehumanising, but when patients’ last wishes were fulfilled, there is significant personalization of death.
For patients, this adds dignity to death, while for families it created positive memories of end-of-life care of their loved ones.
Fulfilling last wishes has a knock-on effect on physicians too; it promotes compassion and humanism in practice.
WHY WE SHOULD PRESERVE OUR LOVED ONES’S LAST WISHES
Here are some of the reasons why we should always preserve our loved ones’ last wishes, even though they might go against our beliefs.
Keeping Dignity Intact
Our dignity is one of the most important things we have during our time on earth. When a person outlines specific details for their funeral, it’s an attempt to have control over something often viewed as being uncontrollable: death.
When a loved one has specific funeral wishes, you can think of it as a person wanting to pass away on their own terms. Even if they could not control the circumstances under which they died, they can control how they are remembered.
Religious Reasons
Many funeral traditions have roots in religious ceremonies. These traditions need to be respected even if you do not agree with your loved one’s beliefs. One of the best examples of this is a husband and wife who disagree about cremation versus burial. In a case like this, the deceased wishes should be respected if it has roots in their religious beliefs.
In General, No Problem
In some cases, a loved one can request that no funeral happen for them. When this happens, living relatives can feel put off or upset, as a funeral is also a time to offer comfort to loved ones in mourning.
If a loved one requests no funeral, you can still respect their wishes and do something for your own comfort. You can plant a tree or make a donation in their name, visit a favourite place or hold a private graveside memorial. All of these options will allow friends and family to process their grief while also respecting the wishes of the deceased.
ENSURE YOUR OWN LAST WISHES ARE MET
When planning your funeral, it’s best to put someone in charge that you think will respect your wishes. Making this person the executor of your will gives them power to make decisions. If the person you choose is on board with your planning, you can be assured that all your wishes are met.
Another way to ensure your final funeral requests are approved would be to call funeral homes and pre-arrange as much of it as possible beforehand. By pre-paying for most or all of the service, you are guaranteeing that things go exactly how you want.
Most funeral homes will provide contracts for people who wish to do this.
IN THE END IT’S ALL ABOUT HONOURING THE DEAD
At the end of the day, a funeral is giving a beautiful send-off to a loved one. If they have specific requests such an outfit they want to be buried in or a specific song to play, making sure those wishes are met is your final chance to respect and do right by the deceased.
